If you’ve ever stared at two choices and felt completely frozen, you’re not alone. Survivors of emotional abuse often struggle with indecision — not because they’re incapable, but because their nervous system has been conditioned to fear making the “wrong” choice.

Why Indecision Shows Up After Abuse

When you’ve lived through criticism, control, or manipulation, decision-making becomes unsafe. Every choice felt like it carried the risk of punishment, rejection, or conflict. Over time, your body learned to freeze in moments of uncertainty as a way to stay safe.

That’s why even small decisions now — what to eat for dinner, whether to text someone back, how to respond at work — can feel overwhelming. It isn’t laziness or weakness. It’s trauma playing out in real time.

The Freeze Response at Work

Science backs this up. When your nervous system perceives danger, it doesn’t just fight or flee — it can also freeze. Survivors often live in this freeze state long after the abuse is over. The mind races with “what ifs,” while the body shuts down to avoid risk.

Your indecision is not a character flaw. It’s a protective response that once helped you survive.

Rebuilding Self-Trust

The good news? You can reprogram your mind and body to trust yourself again. Here are a few steps to begin:

1. Pause and Notice
   When you feel stuck, instead of forcing a quick choice, notice what’s happening in your body. Are your shoulders tense? Is your chest tight? Awareness is the first step out of freeze.

2. Ask Safe Questions
   Try asking, “What’s the worst that could happen if I choose wrong?” Often, the answer isn’t nearly as catastrophic as your nervous system makes it feel.

3. Start Small
   Practice with low-stakes decisions: choosing your coffee flavor, which podcast to listen to, or what to wear. Each small decision reinforces safety.

4. Rewrite the Old Story
   Abuse made you believe your choices were dangerous. The truth? You’re safe to decide now. With each choice, you’re building the muscle of self-trust.

You’re Not Broken

If you see yourself in this, remember: indecision isn’t proof that you’re broken. It’s proof that you survived. And now, you’re learning a new way forward — one rooted in safety, trust, and self-confidence.

Want a deeper dive?
This blog post is based on my Be A Better You Podcast episode all about indecision. You can listen  to Episode 179 [here →https://link.chtbl.com/FzupDqOZ