How to Feel Safe in Your Body After Emotional Abuse

For a long time, I didn’t realize how unsafe I felt in my own body.

Not because I was in immediate danger—but because the residue of past emotional abuse had trained my nervous system to expect the worst -- 20 years of walking eggshells and hyper-vigilance will do that.

The flinch when a notification buzzed.
The tight chest when someone raised their voice.
The spiral of self-doubt after setting a boundary.

All signs that my body was still trying to protect me from something that wasn’t even happening anymore.

If you’ve been emotionally abused, this probably sounds familiar.

Even when the relationship ends, the tension often doesn’t.
Your mind may know you're safe… but your body hasn't gotten the memo yet.

So how do you actually start to feel safe in your body again?

This was the focus of my latest podcast episode (The Be a Better You Podcast), and it’s something I help my clients do every single day—because you can’t fully heal if your nervous system is still living in survival mode.

Here are a few key insights I shared:

1. Understand What Safety Feels Like (Not Just What It Looks Like)

Safety isn’t about controlling your environment.
It’s about your internal experience.

After emotional abuse, your nervous system gets wired to anticipate harm—even when there is none. That’s why calm can feel boring or even threatening at first. You’ve been conditioned to associate love with intensity and chaos.

Start by noticing small moments when you feel neutral or slightly at ease. Don’t reach for bliss—just reach for better.

2. Tend to the Body First, Before the Mind

Most people try to think their way into feeling safe.
But the body doesn’t respond to logic. It responds to sensations.

Try this:

• Place your hand on your heart or stomach.
• Take three slow breaths, longer on the exhale.
• Name one thing in the room that feels non-threatening.

These micro-moments signal to your body: we're not in danger anymore.
Do this often. It’s not about doing it perfectly—it’s about doing it consistently.

3. Validate Your Experience Without Judgment

You’re not overreacting.
You’re not being dramatic.
You’re responding to how it used to be—and that response just hasn’t updated yet.

Healing starts with compassion.
When you catch yourself tensing up or shutting down, try saying,

“Of course I feel this way. It makes sense, given what I’ve been through.”

That single sentence can soften your entire system.

4. Reclaim Your Power Through Rehearsal

In my coaching programs, we don’t just talk about healing—we practice it.

That’s why I created "Rehearsals" for clients who’ve already done the deep subconscious work. It’s where we role-play the hard conversations, rehearse boundary-setting, and get comfortable being seen again.

Why? Because your nervous system needs proof that it’s safe now.
And rehearsal is one of the fastest ways to provide that.

5. You Don’t Need to Rush. You Just Need to Start.

Feeling safe in your body again doesn’t happen overnight.
But it does happen.

With gentle consistency.
With the right tools.
And with compassionate support from people (like me) who’ve walked this road too.

If you haven’t already, listen to the full podcast episode here where I guide you deeper into this process. And if you're craving a space to practice, grow, and truly live from your healed self… I’d love to invite you inside my Emotional Healing Mastery Program.

You don’t have to just survive anymore.
You get to thrive—in a body that finally feels like home.

Stay Strong,

Allison K Dagney